


Never Have I Ever

by RainbowCosmos



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: AU: Nothing is wrong, Drinking Games, M/M, Never Have I Ever, Sex Talk, happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:53:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22397383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowCosmos/pseuds/RainbowCosmos
Summary: Huddled away from the boring old Magnus Institute fundraiser, the archival staff decide to play a game.
Relationships: (Mentioned)(Past)Tim Stoker/Martin Blackwood, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 41
Kudos: 603





	Never Have I Ever

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a prompt from a discord kinkmeme/prompt document!
> 
> Nobody actually bones in this because... they're all drunk and that's not cool. But there is a lot of talk about past sex lmao.

“Alright!” Tim said, planting a mostly-full bottle of some kind of brown spirit on the break room table to punctuate his statement. “Managed to nab this from the bartender.”

None of them quite want to know exactly how he managed that.

The four of them, Tim, Jon, Sasha, and Martin are sat in their usual breakroom at a deeply unusual hour of the evening, taking a bit of a break from the overwhelming institute fundraiser that was taking place in the bigger rooms of the building.

Martin rounded up 4 mugs for them to drink from, though Jon raised a silent eyebrow as he poured the drink into his usual Garfield mug.

“Hold on now,” Tim interrupts as Sasha tries to take her first sip. “I got this bourbon for us, I say we use it for a game of ‘Never have I ever’.”

Jon and Martin both pull faces at this. Jon because he doesn’t trust the impish tone in Tim’s voice, and also never did too well at this game. Martin because he doesn’t like bourbon much.

“Never have I ever…” Tim starts without waiting for anyone to actually agree to the game. “Been in a band.”

The question is clearly directed at Jon, who takes a quick sip as he shoots a small glare at Tim, and regrets his university years all over again. Sasha also takes a quick swig and makes an unhappy noise about the way the liquor burns. 

“I played the contrabassoon in high school band.” She tells them, and Tim’s face lights up at the knowledge. “It’s my turn then? Never have I ever…”

She takes a long moment to think, and then she locks eyes with Martin and an all-too-familiar grin seeps across her face.

“Never have I ever slept with Tim.”

Martin chokes on nothing for a long moment. Then he stares hard at the wall to his right and tries to take a drink as subtly as possible. He doesn’t quite manage it, and when he finally looks back to the table, Sasha’s grin has somehow gotten even wider, Tim winks at him, and both of Jon’s eyebrows are up at his hairline now.

“No need to look so embarrassed! I’m a catch!” Tim says, though his attitude belies that he’s not actually offended. “Besides, I’d give you a glowing review.”

Martin makes a pained noise and buries his face in his hands, his cheeks burning hot against his palms. “Tim… no…”

“I’m serious!” He’s jovial in the face of Martin’s abject horror and humiliation. “I’ve never seen someone use their mouth like-”

“Tim!” Martin pulls his face from his hands, and it is definitely as red as everyone expected it to be. He quickly diverts from the train of thought. “Never have I ever ridden a camel.”

Jon take a quick sip and tells them a short story about how his grandmother used to take him to fairs as a kid, and how there was a camel at a Greek culture fair once. None of them actual know whether there are many camels in Greece, though. Martin’s face is just beginning to cool, but he’s still terribly embarrassed by Tim’s praise. He might be smiling just a bit, though. It’s a boost to his pride if nothing else.

Jon says “Never have I ever shoplifted.” Which has Tim and Sasha taking a drink, each citing an instance of pocketing some sweets as a child.

And then it’s Tim’s turn again.

“Never have I ever had a threeway.”

“Well now that can’t be true!” Martin objects, blush returning at full force.

Tim gives him a shit-eating grin and takes a sip in response to his own question, like he’d just used the opportunity to show off. Martin takes a drink alongside him.

“Never have I ever given somebody a lapdance.” Sasha says, the question clearly aimed at Tim. He takes a drink with an air of pride about him.

Martin takes a quick sip too and Tim’s face lights up with the same pure joy as when he found out that Sasha had played the contrabassoon.

“Never have I ever…” Martin takes a moment to think through his turn. He’d been too distracted over the last few rounds to spend any time thinking up a question of his own. “Broken a bone”

All three of the others drink, and then it’s Jon’s turn.

“Never have I ever gotten arrested.”

Martin is the only one who drinks.

Tim and Sasha, almost in unison, lean onto the table to rest their chin in their hands.

“Well??” Tim says.

“Tell us!” Sasha chimes in, gleefully.

Jon considers for a moment whether he’ll have to fire Martin over the answer.

“It’s nothing I’m ashamed about, actually.” Martin says, primly. “In my early twenties I went around with a friend and a circular saw and took apart some of those anti-homeless spikes.”

“Martin you’re a treasure!” Sasha announces.

Tim wipes a proud tear from his eye and takes a moment to think about his next turn.

“Never have I ever had a crush on a coworker.” 

“That cannot be true.” Sasha says before she takes a drink. “Rosie is too hot.”

Both Jon and Martin take a drink and  _ very specifically _ do not comment on it.

“Never have I ever,” Sasha says. “Slept with someone twice my age.”

There’s a quick pause as Martin and Tim do some maths in their heads. Only Martin takes a drink.

“Martin!” Tim sounds positively  _ delighted _ . “I am  _ loving _ this game for you!”

Martin mumbles something unintelligible down at the table before he says “Never have I ever been awake for two days straight.”

Jon is the only one that drinks, and nobody looks particularly surprised.

“Never have I ever…” Jon certainly isn’t as crass as Tim and Sasha, but, well, now he’s  _ curious _ . “Had a one night stand.”

All three of the assistants drink, and Tim looks overjoyed.

“Jon’s on board!” He announces. “This is no longer a game of ‘Never Have I Ever’, it’s now a game of ‘What Wild Sex Things Has Martin Done’!”

Martin groans at this and buries his face back in his hands, where he remains as Tim starts his next turn.

“Never have I ever worn lingerie.” 

Tim  _ intends _ to give Martin a break this round. He can only blush so hard before he passes out, surely. So Tim’s question is entirely directed at Sasha, who, of course, does take a drink.

But then Martin takes a drink.

And suddenly Tim is clutching at his chest like he’s having a heart attack. He might be having a heart attack.

“This is the happiest day of my life.” Tim tells the table. “Literally nothing could ever top this. I want to hear  _ everything _ .”

Martin gives him a look that seems to wordlessly convey that Tim will be hearing  _ nothing _ . Also, Jon seems to have caught some of Martin’s blush, and keeps peering at him quickly from the other side of the table. Obviously, this only delights Tim further. This is much better than the stuffy old fundraiser.

“Never have I ever,” Sasha began. “Called someone the wrong name when hooking up.”

Tim takes a drink and is sad to see Martin skip a sex-themed one.

“Excuse me,” Martin looks affronted. “I am a fucking gentleman.”

And just like that, Tim’s grin is back. Martin is getting drunk. Martin deserves to say ‘fuck’, Tim thinks.

“Never have I ever,” Martin seems to be in good spirits. “Been slapped across the face.”

Tim and Jon both drink. Martin and Sasha are laughing out loud and Jon looks  _ very _ indignant.

“Never have I ever,” Jon is staring around the table with a vengeance. “Slept with my boss.”

Tim and Sasha both drink, talking about the retail and food service jobs they held down during uni.

Martin looks very pleased with himself for once again avoiding a sex question. 

Jon raises an eyebrow. Jon’s tipsy, and he hasn’t used up his one joke for the year yet.

“Would you like to?”

Tim falls out of his chair.

Martin excuses himself to get some water, face bright red. Sasha pounds her fist against the table as she tries to catch her breath. Tim stays on the floor but his laughter echoes through the room.

Jon hops up from his own chair, wobbling just a moment as he stands. He’s certainly less intoxicated than his employees, that’s for sure. Lack of experience will do that, and he feels his cheeks warm again as he thinks of everything he’s learned about Martin tonight. He follows Martin into the adjoining kitchen where he stands over the sink, filling a fresh cup with cold water.

“Martin,” Jon starts. “I’m sorry if I crossed a line or- or made you uncomfortable? I was just-”

Martin turns towards him and Jon is suddenly aware of how close they’re standing. And how much taller Martin is.

“You know,” Martin says, and Jon is distracted by the low voice in which he says it, mumbling a little awkwardly into the tight space between them. “I think I would like to.”

“Like to?” Jon is confused for a moment, all of his attention on the scent of Martin’s soap and the way his hair is getting long enough to fall into his face.

“Sleep with my boss.”

“Oh!” Jon flushes harder and searches Martin’s face for any hint that he might be joking.

“Well,” Jon says, “I suppose I could take you to dinner tomorrow.”

Martin gives him the biggest grin Jon’s seen all night (which is significant after all of Tim’s behavior) and pours another cup of water for Jon, though he hardly needs it as much as his assistants might.

“I’d like that.” Martin says and turns to join Tim and Sasha once more.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks ily


End file.
